bloodisthicker | PRISMATICA INBOX

[Yes, the hands have been gradually residing since Tarrlok gave his honest answer. Colress hasn't even taken notice though, because their conversation has his full attention. The whole thing with his secret was really bad, but this has just become a shitstorm at this point.

Colress seems taken aback by what he's hearing. Tarrlok was forced into this?]

Tarrlok, I...

[He desperately wants to say he's here to listen, because it feels like he's finally on the edge of knowing what has been eating at Tarrlok these last few months. He wishes an application hadn't given an unfortunate push to bring this to the surface, but...it could be progress.

But would Tarrlok even want to say anything more to him at this point?]

...

[There’s a lot he wants to say that he’s not sure he wants to say to Colress right now. But then, who can he even say it to? It’s not like he actually deserves Korra and Asami’s sympathy, and he’s been trying to make up to them... to what end? It’d be nice if he could change things, sure, but.

...]

He... my father was a mob boss trying to make Republic City his personal speakeasy until Avatar Aang stopped him. Aang took his bending and assumed that was good enough, so when he escaped from prison and changed his face, it wasn’t a priority to track him down.

He couldn’t take revenge himself, so that’s what we were for. I don’t know if he always intended that or if he just got a bright idea when he found out we could do it. Maybe he thought he’d changed until then, maybe he didn’t. I don’t know.

[... why’s he continuing to explain it. It’s not like it matters, does it?]

[Oh, Arceus.

It's a lot to take in, but he's really glad that Tarrlok didn't just hang up on him the moment they were freed from the app's trap. What Tarrlok is saying explains so much about his reaction to Colress' own secret. He had a pretty damn good example of how a person truly didn't learn from their past transgressions at their core.]

He forced it upon you...but you resisted, didn't you? From what you have told me, you've walked a completely different path.

...I wish I could say that I did. I went along with it when I was a child because there was nothing else I could do, but...

[...sigh.]

I don’t know if there was a point in it. I thought I was taking a different path from him, but the other people from my world have made me realize I only thought I was. I just had a different name and different optics for what I did. I know my brother did the same thing, from what they’ve told me.

[He's definitely not going to blame Tarrlok for going along with it, because man...that's a really tough situation to be stuck in. To be saddled with a power he never even wanted...ugh.

But what Tarrlok's saying about the present is worrisome, to say the least. He so badly wanted to get back home to try to set things straight, but...]

This discovery is what has been eating at you, isn't it? Please, I want you to tell me about it. If...you are willing after what you have learned today.

[Arceus knows they've both made some serious fuck-ups, so if it will help to talk it out, he wants to be that person to lend an ear.]

[...there's a part of him that still wants to reject this, the part that's been overriding any desire to keep this civil instead of being bitter and angry about the whole thing... but he's tired. He's tired, and maybe he does want to believe people can change. Even if he still doesn't actually believe it, he wants to.

Maybe not even for his own sake.]

...The more I look at myself, the more I realize I've just been doing the same things as him. It's been a touch more legally sanctioned, sure, but...

[sigh.]

The Avatar confronted me about it and I apparently wound up bloodbending her and kidnapping her.

[Colress can't hold back a flinch. There's no denying how bad that sounds, and truthfully, it's not something he he would've ever imagined Tarrlok doing. Looking back on things, was he just never getting the full story of Tarrlok's exploits...?]

Did she give you the full context? Why in the world you would resort to that? And...what happened after?

[He just can't wrap his head around it. It's a shock to the system to hear when he'd built up such a different image of Tarrlok prior to this.]

[Tarrlok shakes his head, his brow furrowed.]

I... don't have full context, but I can hazard a guess. Shortly before I was spirited away here, I arrested her friends on some technicalities to try and force her to fall in line instead of being a vigilante.

[...he resists the urge to try and defend his actions, because honestly, now that he's been taking a good hard look at himself, it's pretty indefensible...]

I can only assume that I ended up provoking her and things came to blows... or maybe she provoked me. I'm not sure. Even if my methods are fairly extreme, I wouldn't bloodbend anyone unless the situation was extremely dire, and... well, bloodbending is extremely illegal for obvious reasons. I assume that's why I ended up kidnapping her.

[...sigh. okay.]

Apparently it wasn't the best way to cover things up, since apparently everyone found out about it anyway. Including the Equalists, who I've... told you about.

[Colress listens quietly and attentively, but his expression is pretty strained through the whole explanation. It's quite a blow to hear that Tarrlok had been doing this kind of stuff even before his arrival... But the fact that he isn't defending these actions and seems remorseful does soften that blow. After all, Colress obviously can't talk. This is just...very regrettable, all around.]

Yes, I recall the Equalists. You had hoped to work with the Avatar to defeat them. [Obviously, that did not work out.] Did they track you down...?

Edited 2019-11-12 01:27 (UTC)

They found the location where I was holding the Avatar, yes. Amon showed up to take care of me personally, because as it turns out, he's actually my older brother.

[....his life is a fucking pulp radio show.]

[Tarrlok why is your life literally like the drama shows you like so much.]

The leader of the Equalists is your brother?! Goodness... [That kind of leaves him at a momentary loss for words. As if this could get any more baffling.] I- I cannot imagine having to learn of this second-hand...

[This also leaves him with a question that he's hesitant to ask:]

He didn't gravely harm you, did he?

It was certainly not how I would’ve preferred to learn about it, and... really, I thought the Avatar was lying at first. But there was no way she could’ve known I even had a brother otherwise, and... well, he was a genius when it came to waterbending. Apparently that’s how he can take people’s bending-he does something with bloodbending to block people’s chi?

[HE REALLY DOESN’T KNOW...]

Apparently he does take my bending and imprisons me, but... I don’t really know what happens from there. I know I apparently clued the Avatar in on everything about my family, but Amon and I disappear after he’s defeated.

[Now that it's all out in the open, Colress is quiet for a moment to process everything. It was shocking to learn all of this, but that is no doubt true for the both of them- dredging up their pasts, the mistakes they've made and...are capable of making. There's no denying that Tarrlok did a very good job at hiding his true colors, but can Colress really talk? He used to have a very different face beneath the surface too. They both used their positions of power in terrible ways...and while Colress has had a few years to reflect and try to improve, it's only just hitting Tarrlok.

This has been a nightmare of a situation, truly, but Colress can't find it in himself to want to push Tarrlok away. He...never would've wanted to, especially not now, when Tarrlok needs the support.]

Tarrlok, I- I know it is bold of me to ask this after everything that happened, but...may I join you in person? I have more that I wish to say, and it...seems more appropriate to finish this in person.

Edited (html........) 2019-11-13 04:04 (UTC)

[Tarrlok is silent for a truly concerning amount of time after that request as he works out how to respond. He has multiple reasons to push Colress away-he hasn’t really changed, he’ll stab you in the back at the first opportunity, and even if he truly has changed by some miracle, do you deserve someone like that? Maybe you’ll just drag him back down with you.

Even so, he... finally manages to answer.]

...if you would like that, then I won’t turn you away.

[He feels the guilt closing in on his chest like a vice, because he shouldn’t indulge his wants at this point. That never got him anywhere worth speaking of. But, even so...]

[It would've been completely understandable for Tarrlok to turn him away. Colress accepted the possibility before he even requested. So when he actually gets consent, the breath that he hadn't even realized he was holding escapes in his relief.]

I would, very much so. I do not wish to let anything else to linger on your mind. You've...had more than enough to grapple with.

[As relieved as he is, he can't help but wonder if he's being selfish about this. About forcing the issue, and desiring a resolution when if he hadn't been an absolute idiot in the past, this wouldn't be happening the way it is. Does he deserve to attempt to mend this newly formed rift?

...

He opts to keep that consideration in mind. At present, however, he only has one important objective.]

I will make this quick and use my console.

[The video suddenly cuts out, and just as quickly, Colress has materialized in Tarrlok's vicinity. He's only ever done this in truly desperate times of the Iris cycle, so to do it in a completely different context...well, times are still desperate, aren't they?

There is no getting around the awkwardness of this meeting, though. He meets Tarrlok's gaze if the other will allow it.]

Thank you for giving me this chance. I have...some observations, if you will allow me to speak them. And you are very much welcome to ask me more about my own past, if...you wish.

...oh, it’s fine, I-

[.................you know even if Colress has shown up in his apartment out of thin air multiple times for Iris booty calls he has never quite gotten used to it. So he, uh, tries not to jump.]

...

I was going to put some tea on so we could have that while we talked, but... there’s no reason I can’t do that anyway.

[...he’s not quite meeting Colress’s eyes yet.]

Let’s take this to the kitchen. It’ll be as comfortable as anywhere else.

[...he’s going either way. Look, he knows it won’t be a productive conversation if there’s booze involved, and even if he prefers coffee tea’s better for the nerves.]

[Way to jump the fucking gun, Colress. He awkwardly averts his gaze to his feet, shame creeping its way back in for a wide variety of reasons...]

M-My apologies, I was hasty with my decision.

[Voicing no opposition to Tarrlok's idea, he follows along and deposits his console on the front clothing rack along the way before joining Tarrlok in the kitchen proper.

He keeps his distance as Tarrlok gets the tea going, standing in uncomfortable silence until the other is ready to get into it. The atmosphere just feels so...wrong, in contrast to the amount of peaceful or intimate times they've spent here.]

It’s fine, really. I don’t mind.

[it does kind of help, actually, since Tarrlok can’t second guess himself and tell Colress to just go home because he started overthinking it. He should... actually confront this instead of running away, right? Right.

He’ll fill up the kettle, just kind of... staring at the water as it pours from the faucet as he ruminates on everything.]

...

How do you actually know you managed to change for the better?

[Despite the tone of his earlier reaction, he doesn’t sound accusatory.]

[Colress is quiet for a moment as he chooses his words carefully for his answer. It's a very good question, and it's one he's never directly faced until today. He's had time to walk a more just path, but...has he actually changed? It is with this question that he puts all of that reflecting to the test.

He closes his eyes and exhales slowly before looking back toward Tarrlok.]

A good start is recognizing what was wrong with your previous actions- more specifically, that those actions were wrong in the first place. Sometimes that does not happen organically. Sometimes a push from an outside source is needed. I might not have if it wasn't for my encounter with Rosa.

But I think that the potential willingness to change has to be there as well. Ghetsis, for example...refused to take anything away from his first defeat except for an even stronger desire to seize Unova for himself. Your father may have hid his inner desires, but it seems to me that he was very much like Ghetsis in this regard.

[...]

In my own case, after I received my long-desired answer from Rosa, she was kind enough to visit me many times and allowed me to battle her- to observe her methodology and learn from the way she loved and trusted her Pokemon. It was thanks to this that I began to treat my own Pokemon as more than business partners. They became my dear friends. And I began to see others as more than possible objects of study and more as people. I gained a desire to work not just for myself, but to aid others.

I believe...you have to be open to feedback. You need to be able to listen to others' observations, and reflect. When I look back on more recent events in my life, I consider what the Colress of two years ago would have done in the same situation. Would he have dealt with the events in Alola differently? I believe so. I believe he would've allowed Team Rainbow Rocket's dimensional rift to continue to exist simply so he could see what it was capable of. If they took over the region...so be it.

[That's a story in and of itself though, so he wraps up his long-winded answer there.]

If it is any consolation, Tarrlok, I already see you reflecting. I know it was likely traumatic to learn of your future in the way you did- to be confronted with the consequences of your decisions before you even made them. You've had to sit with this information to months, and I could see how much it was hurting you. But...you are moving in the right direction.

[Tarrlok listens quietly as Colress talks him through the answer, putting the kettle on the burner and just... kind of continuing to stare. Like... yeah. That all makes sense, and even sounds achievable, but... he’s still quiet after Colress finishes his explanation, just... kind of waiting for the water to start boiling.

It doesn’t take him until the water boils to respond, at least. That’s... something.]

...I... see. I...

...

I know I lost sight of things to an extent, but... I thought what I was doing was right, or at least that the ends justified the means. You can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs, you know? Republic City really was a mess even before I got there, and I didn’t think I would be able to accomplish anything if I didn’t take a forceful approach. Trying to be decent just ruined everything when I was a child, anyway.

[He sighs as he gets the cups and the tea bags out.]

So I can’t help but wonder if any of it actually matters in the long run. I don’t even know if I will change anything back home, even if I let my ego take the back seat.

[Colress considers that for a moment. It's a tricky situation for sure, but he wants to start with some reassurance.]

A forceful approach isn't necessarily wrong, so I do not believe you were in the wrong from the beginning. And I certainly cannot blame you for thinking it was the only way, considering what you were forced through as a child. But...it truly does seem as though you got carried away- to irrational degrees.

[He wasn't there, though, so he can't comment too much on this. He's just going by what he has learned.

He takes a few steps closer to Tarrlok.]

You have hindsight and the time to reflect on your actions at your disposal now, Tarrlok. Perhaps you will be able to mend your relationship with the Avatar and be able to work together once more. It doesn't have to be just you shouldering the burden of dealing with Republic City.

...that's probably true. Everything's just so... uncertain.

[okay, the water's boiling, so he'll take the kettle off and pour it into the cups...]

I have no idea if I even can change anything, at the end of the day. I can change things here, obviously, but I don't even know what I should try doing with my life here given how badly everything else went so far.

[He'll hand Colress his cup and then... head to the table with his own cup and sort of slump down in his chair.]

[Colress follows Tarrlok to the table with his cup in hand and sits at an adjacent chair. He watches his tea steep for a bit before responding. Tarrlok was already a bit unsure how to proceed with life in Lunatia because he didn't want to get too settled with everything going on back home. But now that he knows what's going on...yeah, that's really tough.]

I believe you shouldn't give up- here or in your home world. It is a terrible situation to be in, but...you cannot allow it to break you. I will say for certain that change does not happen overnight—I...do have my moments of slipping back into old habits—but the important thing is being able to identify those moments.

[...

He shakes his head. He can't bear it anymore, so he's just going to say it:]

I know it must be difficult to have me speaking about this after everything today. I just...I care about you very much, Tarrlok, and I am deeply sorry for not speaking about my past until now- especially when you were already dealing with all of this. I want to make it up to you. I want to help you out of this. If...you will allow me the chance.

...

[Tarrlok kind of stares into his tea for a few seconds.]

I shouldn’t have been so hard on you when you told me about your past. I was giving you the cleaned-up version of everything I did before I got here anyway, so technically I was going more out of my way to hide things from you than you did. I suppose I knew in my heart it was wrong even when I thought it was right.

[sips..... tea.........]

...

[He very nearly smiles.]

I’m... glad you want to stick with me after all that, though. A part of me... well, a lot of me feels like I don’t really deserve it, but it’s nice to be able to be honest with someone I care about without being rejected for it.

No, it's quite all right. It was a highly stressful situation, and you had every right to be upset. [He takes a sip of his own tea and breathes out a small sigh.] I suppose the new lesson to be learned here is that we could both use some work on handling this sort of pertinent information in a friendship.

[After a small pause and a bit of thought, he tests the waters by reaching for Tarrlok's closest hand.]

Of course I want to stick with you. I would be an utter hypocrite to reject you after what I myself have done in the past. But more importantly, unlike others that I have ultimately rejected, I see a good person in you. I know the kindness that you've displayed toward myself and my Pokemon—to Yue—has been genuine. Let's work together to erase any doubts that you may have.

Edited (one day I will not fuck up my bracket html) 2019-11-15 22:33 (UTC)

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

video -> action

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject