bloodisthicker | PRISMATICA INBOX

[Colress is quiet for a moment as he chooses his words carefully for his answer. It's a very good question, and it's one he's never directly faced until today. He's had time to walk a more just path, but...has he actually changed? It is with this question that he puts all of that reflecting to the test.

He closes his eyes and exhales slowly before looking back toward Tarrlok.]

A good start is recognizing what was wrong with your previous actions- more specifically, that those actions were wrong in the first place. Sometimes that does not happen organically. Sometimes a push from an outside source is needed. I might not have if it wasn't for my encounter with Rosa.

But I think that the potential willingness to change has to be there as well. Ghetsis, for example...refused to take anything away from his first defeat except for an even stronger desire to seize Unova for himself. Your father may have hid his inner desires, but it seems to me that he was very much like Ghetsis in this regard.

[...]

In my own case, after I received my long-desired answer from Rosa, she was kind enough to visit me many times and allowed me to battle her- to observe her methodology and learn from the way she loved and trusted her Pokemon. It was thanks to this that I began to treat my own Pokemon as more than business partners. They became my dear friends. And I began to see others as more than possible objects of study and more as people. I gained a desire to work not just for myself, but to aid others.

I believe...you have to be open to feedback. You need to be able to listen to others' observations, and reflect. When I look back on more recent events in my life, I consider what the Colress of two years ago would have done in the same situation. Would he have dealt with the events in Alola differently? I believe so. I believe he would've allowed Team Rainbow Rocket's dimensional rift to continue to exist simply so he could see what it was capable of. If they took over the region...so be it.

[That's a story in and of itself though, so he wraps up his long-winded answer there.]

If it is any consolation, Tarrlok, I already see you reflecting. I know it was likely traumatic to learn of your future in the way you did- to be confronted with the consequences of your decisions before you even made them. You've had to sit with this information to months, and I could see how much it was hurting you. But...you are moving in the right direction.

[Tarrlok listens quietly as Colress talks him through the answer, putting the kettle on the burner and just... kind of continuing to stare. Like... yeah. That all makes sense, and even sounds achievable, but... he’s still quiet after Colress finishes his explanation, just... kind of waiting for the water to start boiling.

It doesn’t take him until the water boils to respond, at least. That’s... something.]

...I... see. I...

...

I know I lost sight of things to an extent, but... I thought what I was doing was right, or at least that the ends justified the means. You can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs, you know? Republic City really was a mess even before I got there, and I didn’t think I would be able to accomplish anything if I didn’t take a forceful approach. Trying to be decent just ruined everything when I was a child, anyway.

[He sighs as he gets the cups and the tea bags out.]

So I can’t help but wonder if any of it actually matters in the long run. I don’t even know if I will change anything back home, even if I let my ego take the back seat.

[Colress considers that for a moment. It's a tricky situation for sure, but he wants to start with some reassurance.]

A forceful approach isn't necessarily wrong, so I do not believe you were in the wrong from the beginning. And I certainly cannot blame you for thinking it was the only way, considering what you were forced through as a child. But...it truly does seem as though you got carried away- to irrational degrees.

[He wasn't there, though, so he can't comment too much on this. He's just going by what he has learned.

He takes a few steps closer to Tarrlok.]

You have hindsight and the time to reflect on your actions at your disposal now, Tarrlok. Perhaps you will be able to mend your relationship with the Avatar and be able to work together once more. It doesn't have to be just you shouldering the burden of dealing with Republic City.

...that's probably true. Everything's just so... uncertain.

[okay, the water's boiling, so he'll take the kettle off and pour it into the cups...]

I have no idea if I even can change anything, at the end of the day. I can change things here, obviously, but I don't even know what I should try doing with my life here given how badly everything else went so far.

[He'll hand Colress his cup and then... head to the table with his own cup and sort of slump down in his chair.]

[Colress follows Tarrlok to the table with his cup in hand and sits at an adjacent chair. He watches his tea steep for a bit before responding. Tarrlok was already a bit unsure how to proceed with life in Lunatia because he didn't want to get too settled with everything going on back home. But now that he knows what's going on...yeah, that's really tough.]

I believe you shouldn't give up- here or in your home world. It is a terrible situation to be in, but...you cannot allow it to break you. I will say for certain that change does not happen overnight—I...do have my moments of slipping back into old habits—but the important thing is being able to identify those moments.

[...

He shakes his head. He can't bear it anymore, so he's just going to say it:]

I know it must be difficult to have me speaking about this after everything today. I just...I care about you very much, Tarrlok, and I am deeply sorry for not speaking about my past until now- especially when you were already dealing with all of this. I want to make it up to you. I want to help you out of this. If...you will allow me the chance.

...

[Tarrlok kind of stares into his tea for a few seconds.]

I shouldn’t have been so hard on you when you told me about your past. I was giving you the cleaned-up version of everything I did before I got here anyway, so technically I was going more out of my way to hide things from you than you did. I suppose I knew in my heart it was wrong even when I thought it was right.

[sips..... tea.........]

...

[He very nearly smiles.]

I’m... glad you want to stick with me after all that, though. A part of me... well, a lot of me feels like I don’t really deserve it, but it’s nice to be able to be honest with someone I care about without being rejected for it.

No, it's quite all right. It was a highly stressful situation, and you had every right to be upset. [He takes a sip of his own tea and breathes out a small sigh.] I suppose the new lesson to be learned here is that we could both use some work on handling this sort of pertinent information in a friendship.

[After a small pause and a bit of thought, he tests the waters by reaching for Tarrlok's closest hand.]

Of course I want to stick with you. I would be an utter hypocrite to reject you after what I myself have done in the past. But more importantly, unlike others that I have ultimately rejected, I see a good person in you. I know the kindness that you've displayed toward myself and my Pokemon—to Yue—has been genuine. Let's work together to erase any doubts that you may have.

Edited (one day I will not fuck up my bracket html) 2019-11-15 22:33 (UTC)

...well, I think the circumstances of us actually bringing it up were not ideal. I wanted to tell you eventually if only so you didn't find out from someone else, but I kept... running away from it. I was worried you would, and...

[...he very nearly flinches, but instead, he turns his hand over so he can take Colress's hand in his own.]

...honestly, I've spent a lot of time avoiding getting close to others because I was worried it'd hold me back somehow, or maybe that I'd end up hurting them in the end, or they'd hate me... or all of those, honestly. I'm... still afraid of that, I'll admit, but... you at least understand now.

Indeed they weren't. This is not an easy subject to broach, and circumstances only made it worse. I...imagine the emotional level might not have been as high, had this conversation occurred sooner. But given this world's penchant for magical tricks, nothing can be so simple.

[He gives Tarrlok's hand a gentle, reassuring squeeze.]

I do understand, possibly more than most. But once you are able to move forward, you will find it easier to let others in. Of course...that result is from a single sample size of myself, but I like to think it counts. [He smiles a little. An attempt to lighten the mood.] But I do want you to know that I definitely do not hate you. Quite the opposite, really...

...Admittedly, I am wondering if I would've actually managed to say anything about it before you heard it from someone else. So... I suppose some good came out of this after all.

[even if it still sucked!!]

...but... thank you for staying with me. More than anything, I wouldn't want you to hate me. I...

[...]

...well, if we're still being honest here, I've never felt so comfortable with anyone else before. I was wondering if it was just the moons, but the more I think about it, the more I feel that way even between cycles.

I... I wanted to confront you about it, many times. You hadn't been acting yourself for quite some time, and it worried me greatly. I suppose I too was apprehensive about damaging our relationship if I pushed too hard. [Someone get these two a manual on friendship.] But I am glad that we had this conversation, even if it was difficult. I feel as though we have made quite a step forward.

[Hearing Tarrlok say that about him, though... Well, it makes him feel very warm. And not just from the Chroma intake. He brings his other hand forward to clasp around Tarrlok's.]

Likewise, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for allowing me the chance to be here, after all that happened. I am glad to have provided a comfortable space for you, and I will happily continue to do so. I suppose my persistence may have made it obvious at this point, but...I am very fond of you.

...I was hoping it wouldn't be that obvious, but I guess I'm not as in control of things as I hoped I'd be. I don't think you would've harmed our friendship, but I definitely would've tried to pretend everything was fine.

[ah... gosh, Colress's hands feel so nice... 'fond' almost seems a little bit of an understatement, but he's not sure if he wants to just. You know. Say that yet. He has a lot of shit to sort out before he starts throwing around things that heavy, doesn't he?]

...I'm... very fond of you, too. I'm so glad I got to meet you here, and I'm glad that you put up with me.

[......................................despite trying to hold back a bit, he. he does kind of. want to. um.]

...

Would you mind staying here with me a while longer?

The sentiment is entirely mutual.

[Colress didn't realize how happy he'd be to have Tarrlok agreeing with him on this matter, but the way his heart flutters a little in his chest is a good enough signal as any. It's an entirely foreign sensation, but he thinks he can deduce what it means. Yes...perhaps "fond" is something of an understatement.

He lets out a gentle little laugh, and shakes his head with a warm smile.]

I wouldn't mind at all. In fact, I would like that very much.

[...ah, and he actually smiles for real this time, because it's hard not to looking at Colress smiling and laughing like that... he's so cute. Maybe... things will turn out alright, actually.]

I'm glad to hear that. I... kind of need you right now, I think.

[Tarrlok's smile only makes Colress' grow wider. What a truly uplifting conclusion to this nightmare of a day.

He gives the other's hand a little pat.]

I will happily stay for as long as you need me to.

I'm glad. I'll see if I can get it together to make us dinner, too.

...

Don't tell me not to, stress cooking is absolutely helpful.

I won't argue with you on this [because Tarrlok's cooking is the best] but the goal is to minimize your stress...!

Ah, but it does. It's been helping me stay reasonably, well, together. Comparatively. I think.

...

It's not an extra stressor, is what I'm saying.

Oh! In that case, forget that I said anything. The phrasing just had me concerned, is all.

[Colress tends to filter his stress into a different source, if it wasn't obvious.]

I probably should’ve made it a bit clearer, sorry. Do you like spicy food, actually? I’ve been in the mood for some curry, but I can stick to the mild kinds if you don’t.

[this is in no way related to certain video games making anyone really hungry for some fucking curry.]

Curry sounds delightful! By all means, bring on the spice. I would like to have it as you do.

[Will he regret this later? Maybe. He's never actually tested his heat tolerance that closely. What's the worst that can happen?]

Excellent. I'll go ahead and see if I can get it how I like it, then.

[In fairness, he's not really Fire Nation levels of spice fan, but he still likes his spices.

So he'll hit his spice rack, get the ingredients ready, and get to work!]

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